Dear we are teachers,
This is my third year teaching third graders. I have a large family all over the city and I love them dearly. But it’s very difficult to keep up with it, especially around holidays. I really need to rest this Thanksgiving holiday, but a few weeks ago I started a chain of emails with family plans for four days in a row that week. I wish it was more of a “make the best of it” kind of thing, but my family is definitely aware and are very focused on who comes and who doesn’t. How can you help your family understand that they need some serious rest?
-Caught up in Michigan
Dear EIM
I’m tired just reading it! It seems like you can use some boundaries to set healthy limits for yourself.
One idea I end up recommending over and over again is Cristina Torres Cordry’s “Boundary Equation,” or how to set boundaries without feeling mean. The equation is: Appreciation/Acknowledgement + Clear Statement of Your Needs = Healthy Boundaries.
Choose two “important” family gatherings to attend this week and use the equation to set healthy boundaries for the rest of the time. This may sound like this:
“This looks like a lot of fun! I’m going to have to take a few days off this week to recover from my schoolwork, so I won’t be able to make it in time. I can’t wait to meet you at Thanksgiving dinner and catch up on what’s going on.”
“Oh, I’m so glad you’re organizing this! I can’t make it this time, but I’m looking forward to seeing you all at Nana’s birthday later this week.”
I get that you feel pressured to go to everything, but your family needs to accept your desperate need to take care of yourself (or maybe a soulless, grumpy zombie wants to take care of your family). Begin preparing yourself for your appearance at these events).
Dear we are teachers,
I’m dealing with a health issue that requires me to be out and about for far more days than planned. I still don’t feel comfortable sharing my diagnosis with anyone – management or co-workers. What’s really eating away at me is the guilt I feel for going out too much. I’m worried that the people I work with, my students, and my parents will think I’m lazy or that I’m absent from work for some stupid reason. When I’m out, I compulsively check my email and worry so much about my sub that I almost feel sick. I know this is a very specific dilemma, but do you have any words of wisdom?
— Tired of Making Myself Sick (About Getting Sick)
Dear Somsa Boss
Yes, I have two pieces of wisdom.
First, strongly consider at least telling your administration. I really think this will alleviate a lot of the guilt you’re feeling. Because even if you still have concerns about colleagues or students, at least you can know that any speculation (real or hypothetical) will end with your administration. It also helps address concerns people have that are difficult to express. If it’s easier, you can always email them instead of telling them in person.
My other advice is this. Talk to yourself like you would talk to anyone else you have shared this with. What would you say if a fellow teacher came to you and said he needed to be out for an extended period of time for health reasons?
“Yes, but don’t go out too much. School is more important than your health.” No.
“Wow, are you really going to leave us alone like this? Again?” Of course not.
They might say something like, “Please take care of yourself,” or “School will wait!” Your health can’t do that,” or “This is it. You’re worried about you.” That’s how you should be talking to yourself right now. The next time you find yourself in an embarrassing spiral, console yourself out loud. It may feel a little strange, but it will drown out the unhelpful voices in your head.
Dear we are teachers,
I am a para in a classroom where one of the students has a service dog. I’m all for this student getting what he needs. Unfortunately, I am highly allergic to this dog and he starts sneezing the moment he enters the room. I had a sinus infection and headache for hours afterward, and I’ve had several sinus infections this semester. I asked the principal if I could move the classroom, but was told that this teacher would need my help for that period. I can’t keep this up for another semester! Help!
— Snohomish Sneeze
Dear SIS
take care.
Yes, you need to make sure your students have what they need. But it doesn’t have to come at the cost of what you need. It is not good to be exposed every day to allergens that cause such reactions.
First, talk to your principal again and make sure they understand the stress this is putting on your body. Suggest an alternative: You can support this teacher for another class period, support the school in another way during that period, or exchange a meeting period with that class.
If he still says no, try having your primary care physician (or ideally an allergist) write a medical note about how bad repeated exposure to known allergens really is. If that doesn’t work, talk to your school’s union representative. We don’t mess with our sinuses in this house.
Have a burning question? Email us at askweareTeachers@weareTeachers.com.
Dear we are teachers,
I have a stutter and it’s mostly under control, but it gets worse when I’m nervous or stressed. I’m in my first year of teaching so obviously stress activates it often. The principal called me and said that I needed to “work on” it because parents were complaining that it was making it difficult for students to understand me. I was too scared to argue, but I needed the principal to know that I couldn’t take this seriously. How can I approach the conversation with him without seeming combative?
—Would you like to cure your baldness?
