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In today’s tough market, clear communication is everything. It’s not just what you say, but how you say it. This includes body language, tone, and subtle cues that create connection and trust.
Jamie Miller is the founder of the Art of Conscious Communication and a master in the field. His insights into body language and tone can dramatically increase your ability to connect better with clients, negotiate more effectively, and close more deals.
I recently met Miller at a Money Multiplier event where he talked about body language. I’ve been studying body language and neurolinguistic programming (NLP) for over 30 years, and I’ve never heard anyone mention anything that Mr. Miller covered in his interview. I highly recommend watching the video to see the impact of his work and how you can apply these powerful strategies to your business.
Ethical foundations of neurolinguistic programming (NLP)
Before diving into his strategy, Miller emphasized the importance of applying neurolinguistic programming (NLP) in an ethical manner. NLP techniques can be powerful, but their purpose must always be to serve clients ethically and responsibly.
“I believe everything should be done with integrity, good ethics and good morals,” Miller said. “If people believe in themselves, believe that they can serve ethically, believe that they can fulfill their commitments to other human beings, then what I teach will up their game. If not, you need to rethink your value proposition.”
Body Language: Silent Connector
Miller emphasized the incredible power of body language, an aspect of communication that most people overlook. He shared some techniques and anecdotes that illustrate how body language affects interactions.
Mirroring and matching
Mirroring and matching NLP techniques are very effective. The way it works is by mirroring the other person’s body language. For example, if your client leans forward, you should lean forward too. If they put their hands on the table, you put your hands on the table. This approach subconsciously makes the other person feel more in tune with you.
The challenge is whether many people are aware of this strategy. If your client finds out what you’re doing, trust can be broken and the relationship can even be damaged. Mirror takes a different approach to reflecting and matching you.
“We can literally control other people’s reactions based on what we do first,” Miller says.
For example, a simple gesture such as nodding your head can encourage agreement. If you nod, most people will automatically nod along with you without thinking.
Make mirroring and matching work
Miller gave some fun examples to explain how this works.
If you stick your hand out to shake someone’s hand, most people will probably shake your hand. (This is not always true for people from other cultures.)
Miller especially enjoys this approach when he’s at the airport.
“Just for fun, I would walk around the terminal when I wasn’t in a hurry, high-fiving, fist-bumping, shaking hands with complete strangers, just for fun and to do it to them. “I wanted to prove that I could do it,” Miller said.
One day, while at Target, he had another interesting encounter.
“I’ll never forget this big, tall guy walking towards me with a miserable look on his face. So there’s nothing I can do about it. I feel better than when people found me.” I smiled and walked towards him, trying to turn his frown into a smile.
“When that didn’t work, I put my fingers on either side of my eyebrows and pulled my mouth into a smile.”
The man then smiled back, saying there was nothing he could do about it, Miller said. As a result, they were able to have a great conversation. Here’s what the man had to say:
“Hey, I wasn’t feeling very well, but you made me feel much happier.”
Deal with closed body language
When a client folds their arms, especially if they lean away from you, it’s a big red flag that they don’t agree with what you’re saying or suggesting. On the contrary, if they are leaning towards you, they will stay with you.
Most agents ignore folded arms because they don’t know what to do. Rather than asking if they’re upset (which has a negative connotation), Miller approaches this issue in a unique way by asking a multiple-choice question.
“Hey, I noticed you have your arms crossed. I’d like you to adjust the temperature. Is it a little cold in here? Do you want to be more clear about what I just shared? Or… Is it just the way you sit sometimes?”
This approach removes negative connotations and opens the door to clearer communication.
notice how they react to what you say
A change from a frown or blank expression is another important clue that they’re with you. Acknowledge the change instead of ignoring it.
“I couldn’t help but see your smile, right? Is it safe to assume that you really enjoyed what I just shared?” Miller said. You can bring more emotion into the conversation when you say, ‘I did it.’
You can then follow up by saying:
“‘Hey, can you tell me more about that?’ At that point, the client is moving the entire conversation in a positive direction based on what you call out, body language-wise, for doing something. ”
Tonality: The unsung hero of persuasion
Tonality plays an important role in communication. Mr. Miller explained how changes in pitch, volume, and pace can guide conversation and increase confidence.
lower your voice to show confidence
When asking an important question, end the sentence with a downstroke (downward intonation) to convey authority. Mr. Miller pointed out:
“Lowering your voice at the end of a sentence puts you in control of the conversation.”
create emotional engagement
People make decisions emotionally before justifying them logically. Miller advises focusing on emotional triggers during conversations.
Notice when a client is struggling to find the right words
Notice the moments when the client is struggling to find the words. Miller explained that this shows they are emotionally involved.
“If someone is logical and gives you an answer right away, it’s too early to ask them for a job,” Miller advised. “When they’re struggling to explain their feelings, that’s the right moment.”
use the word “believe”
Miller calls the word “believe” the most powerful word in sales. For example, when you’re ready to complete your listing, ask:
“Do you think I can help you achieve your goals?”
Depending on how the client responds, you can see if they are ready to move forward. Mr Miller said: “People do things based on emotion first and then justify it with logic. If you get them into an emotional space that excites them, it’s easier to close the deal.”
7 practical applications for real estate agents
Mr. Miller provided a real-life example of how conscious communication techniques can be applied to real estate.
1. Promote specificity
The more specific your questions, the more likely you are to get a positive result. This applies to both you, the real estate agent, and your clients.
2. Communicate your values
When you go to book a listing, instead of asking, “What do you want from a real estate agent?”, Miller recommends asking more specifically. “What exactly am I looking for in a real estate agent that will provide enough value for me to confidently enter into a listing agreement with me today?”
3. Build trusting relationships
Miller advises against sitting across from a client at the table, as this creates a physical barrier to building trust in person. “I would sit at the head of the king or queen’s table, but make sure you sit closest to the man so you don’t overwhelm or disrespect the marriage,” Miller said. The show also encourages standing near men and never near women.
4. Embrace video messaging
Instead of a typical voicemail that starts with the phrase “I’m So-and-So from XYZ Real Estate Company,” which would usually result in a hung up call, we’ll send you a video text message. It is important to do it with a smile.
Mr Miller said: “Start with, ‘Hey, I always find these messages engaging.’ When I run video messages like this, people always want to contact me.” Subtly refine your results Expression increases the likelihood of that outcome. ”
5. Understand the buy signals
Based on my experience, if a customer comes in and out of a home without asking questions, they are not interested in the property. On the other hand, if a client is interested in a property, they often do things like:
As Miller pointed out, ask for details about the property. In other words, ask more specific questions. Let’s go back and look at some of the properties again. Unfold the property brochure and take another look.
The most important buying sign is when they object. The only time buyers will object is if they see themselves living in the property.
6. Say “I might be wrong.”
One of the most powerful phrases recommended by Mr. Miller is “I could be wrong.”
“The moment you say I might be wrong, what you say next becomes more palatable to the person in front of you.”
7. Overcoming objections
If the client expresses concerns such as waiting for the market to change, use permission-based questions.
“Can I share something with you? Do you think you have really bad taste or great taste when it comes to home?” Miller said.
“Nobody in the world would admit that their house is in terrible taste. Understand that they mean to say they have good taste. At that point, I would question their head.” You can guide the conversation by filling it with
You can then ask what happens if you wait for your home to be listed and the market crashes. Alternatively, waiting until the market improves means more competition as people fight over the homes they want.
Conscious communication is the basis of real estate success
Miller’s insights provide a blueprint for improving your overall communication skills and building deeper relationships with your clients. By incorporating Miller’s techniques into your practice, you’ll not only build better relationships and trust, but you’ll also become a stronger negotiator who easily overcomes objections and closes more deals.
Bernice Ross, President and CEO of BrokerageUP and RealEstateCoach.com and founder of RealEstateWealthForWomen.com, is a national speaker, author, and trainer who has published more than 1,500 articles.
