The agents who become exceptional negotiators are not the ones who have taken the most courses, writes Nick Shulkway. They are the ones who treat every conversation like a practice exercise.
I saw an agent spend $4,200 on a negotiation workshop in Scottsdale. 3 days of role plays, workbooks, and a catered lunch. She came back healthy. Two weeks later, she accepted a fee objection from a seller who was not proactive. It’s the same pattern. I winced in the same way. Nothing was transferred.
Participate in the INMAN Intel Index Survey
The workshop wasn’t bad. The problem is that negotiation skills don’t come from insight. It comes from the people in charge.
Most agents are not good at negotiating because they don’t get enough practice. The listing process, buyer consultations, open house objections: These are training sessions that take place behind the scenes.
The research of cognitive psychologist Anders Eriksson, whose research on deliberate practice has inspired bestsellers such as Peak and Outliers, found that expertise is developed through focused repetition with feedback, rather than passive learning. Agents who become truly skilled negotiators don’t collect certificates. They’re getting reps together.
Free gym is already open
Find an accountability partner. Someone who doesn’t just nod and say, “Thank you for your hard work,” but actually gives you a pat on the back. Schedule 30 minutes twice a week. Play out scenarios that make you uncomfortable.
Committee Objection. Sellers who think Zillow is gospel. An indecisive buyer who likes every house, but can’t pull the trigger. FSBO convinced the agent is a parasite.
If you can bear to watch it, record yourself. Most people can’t do that, but that’s why you should.
Please stop using scripts. Using a script makes it sound like you’re reading a script. Use a framework instead. I use something called Core Four.
Connection Problem Exposure Solution Follow-up
All conversations fit into that format. Once you internalize that, you can stop planning your next sentence and actually listen to what the other person is saying.
Sort out all the objections you hear. Most fall into six buckets. Remember this as a carpet:
Competitor authority risk Product/service cost/price timing
If you can tag your rebuttal mid-sentence, your response won’t feel improvised because you’ve already rehearsed it 20 times.
Be sure to take five minutes after the actual conversation. Not to celebrate or move on. Ask yourself what worked, what didn’t, and where you lost control of the frame. Most agents will skip this part. People who improve don’t improve.
really important conversations
When role-playing, focus on what moves money.
commission conversation
“Would you like to reduce your commission? Other agents will also reduce their commission.” If you can’t respond to this in a confident and disciplined manner, you’ll be losing out on monthly revenue.
The answer is never defensive. This is a clear statement of what the fee covers and why it’s worth paying. The NAR settlement now requires buyer agents to explicitly negotiate compensation, and this negotiation is occurring more frequently and with higher stakes than ever before.
too expensive list
“Zillow says my home is worth more.” You need to explain the market value without making the seller feel stupid. Explain what it is, who is not in control of it (you, them, the appraiser, the media), and why the numbers don’t match reality. If you can’t do this without activating your defense, practice until you can.
indecisive buyer
They love everything but commit to nothing. They keep changing their necessities. They bring too many opinions into the process. Redirect them back to their original goal. Strategically limit your options.
Psychologist Barry Schwartz’s research on the paradox of choice found that too many choices lead to decision paralysis and decreased satisfaction. Help me trust my decision by showing me 3 houses instead of 10. “You’ve done your homework, and this house checks the boxes. Believe in yourself.”
Failed FSBO
The list has expired. They are dissatisfied and remain skeptical of their agents. This is a pure appeals process. If you can’t convert this person, you don’t have enough reps.
unreasonable request
Once trust is established, there are moments when clarity needs to be shown. “That makes sense. Let me just be direct: How can we do that while still qualifying the buyer pool and keeping the process private?” Be honest and not belligerent. It exposes tensions without escalating them.
Why seminars feel good but don’t produce any results
Negotiation workshops are optimized for insight, not execution. You walk away thinking you learned something. That’s what you did. Intellectually. However, intellectual knowledge does not survive contact with difficult clients. Only trained skills are possible.
An agent who was really good at this called 25 prospects this week and reported on each one. They continued to role-play until they were no longer daunted by the committee’s objections. They asked their colleagues to look at the list presentation and give honest feedback, and they actually changed something based on that.
The gym is free. Representatives are available every day. The only variable is whether you work when no one is looking.
Learn your skills this week
Here’s how:
Find one person to role-play for 30 minutes twice a week. Choose a scenario that makes you uncomfortable. After each live conversation, write down what went well, what didn’t work, and what you could have said differently. It’s 5 minutes. Non-negotiable. Choose a framework and internalize it until you stop thinking about structure. Rather than a training manual, create a personal playbook of responses to objections that sounds authentic to you.
If you do this for 90 days, you’ll be negotiating mainly with agents who spent 10 times more on the conference and didn’t send a rep.
The best negotiators in the industry were not born with talent. They built it one awkward role-play at a time, one post-call debriefing at a time, one commission conversation at a time. Skills compound in ways that aren’t obvious until you get deeper into the job. Every rep makes the next one easier, and every difficult client becomes a data point rather than a disaster.
You don’t need a seminar to teach you what you already know. It takes discipline to practice what you avoid. An agent who understands this will stop wondering why some people seem so naturally persuasive. they already know the answer. They just started much earlier.
Nick Shulkway is the founder of Amherst Madison, a real estate brokerage firm based in Boise, Idaho. Connect with him on LinkedIn.
