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Leadership is a journey that often revolves around one fundamental principle: helping others reveal and embrace their true selves.
This can be difficult, especially in real estate. We see the success of others and are influenced to emulate their 7-step programs. Our purpose as leaders is not to mold those we lead into puppets in our image, but rather to guide them to discover their own identity.
This process of self-discovery doesn’t just create better leaders. It’s about developing character and personal growth.
Trust me, I stumble more often than I succeed at this, but here are three things I learned along the way.
Evolution into a leader
My leadership evolution has been as much about learning who I am as it is about recognizing who I am. A lot of it came from trying and failing to emulate leaders I admired.
Again, it’s easy to get caught up in this in real estate. “Maybe if I acted like them, my career would take off.”
Don’t get me wrong. There is immense value in learning from the strong leaders around you. We should absolutely adopt their valuable insights, absorb their wisdom, and let them help smooth out our rough edges. But there’s a big difference between learning from someone and trying to be that person.
From an early age, my parents were avid hosts. My job was to greet customers at the front door. My 7 year old loved it and became a complete little doorman. After welcoming people, I observed their attire to see if I had something similar in my own wardrobe.
Almost every time I had a social outing, I would sneak off to my room and change into clothes that matched my guest’s attire, whether it was cowboy boots or a jacket. Then I returned and waited for the inevitable comments. “Well, that’s cute, you two look alike.” That was always a crowd-pleaser.
My parents still laugh at this story. But now that I’m in my 40s, I wonder if I’m still doing the same thing: conforming to how I should be in order to be admired. To be accepted. To survive.
The question then becomes, what kind of “disguise” do we put on because we believe that who we really are is not enough?
don’t be like everyone else
I’m far from a typical CEO. I hate finance and data analysis. I can’t say I like mathematics. And I think economics is very boring. These are not my forte. I’ll tinker with it if I want, but I simply don’t enjoy that aspect of this business. Believe it or not, it took me 42 years to be able to say this out loud.
When I started my current role, a friend from graduate school saw the announcement and emailed me. You should hire a good therapist. ” And I did just that.
My subsequent work was less about honing my professional skills and more about letting go of an identity I thought I needed to protect. Sometimes the first step to becoming an effective leader is admitting what you’re not.
Through a lot of therapy and intense personal work, I realized that I am a storyteller, a cheerleader, a community builder, and a knot untieer. I have success in helping people resolve difficult situations. I am at my best when I am celebrating the successes of others. They enjoy bringing people together to achieve common goals and foster a sense of belonging.
If I had spent my life pretending to be an “economist” I would have missed all of this.
Lead with service
As leaders, whether we manage, direct, or coach, our role is to help people dispel the idea that they are not good enough as they are. Our job, then, is to help them identify their true self, even if their false self is a version we prefer, even if it is difficult to work with their true self. We will help you understand the difference between your self and your false self.
This is when narcissism creeps into leadership. When people feel threatened about living in alignment with their ethos, changing this starts with simply listening and observing what others have to say. It comes from the age-old wisdom of being humble and thinking of others before yourself.
The most effective managers I’ve ever met spent more time getting to know me than teaching me how to be a miniature version of themselves. In some cases, this means getting to know your team’s agents on a deeper level.
For brokers, this may mean simply sitting back and observing how agents handle different situations. Changing people is hard work. What makes them come alive is not listening or observing.
At some level, everyone is a leader. You are tasked with facilitating someone’s growth and success. Leadership is a sacred responsibility and should be treated as such.
When you can let go of the pressure to change people, the weight of leading well becomes much lighter. Being a good leader is not about recreating yourself in others. Being a great leader means helping others become their best selves.
Justin Bailey is the CEO of Realty Executive Associates, East Tennessee’s largest real estate brokerage. Connect with Justin on Instagram and Linkedin.
