Dear we are teachers,
I am part of a new teacher cohort that started together at my school this year, all teaching grade 9. One of the teachers in my cohort is oddly friendly with the students. She has organized several group dinners and group hangouts with students, all in public places and restaurants. Plus, when our cohorts come together, she teaches us all sorts of gossip that our students say to her. It all makes me feel uncomfortable, but I can’t tell if this is normal or not. What do you think?
– Act your age
Dear Aya,
* Waves Red Flag* This situation is not a big one for me. I value building relationships with students outside of the classroom, but the safest way is through school-approved activities such as sports, school clubs and more. Of course, we sometimes see students outside of these ranges. I live on an island.
Even if the outing is school-approved, sharing student gossip is not acceptable. It’s inappropriate and makes everyone uncomfortable! Direct: When she shares student gossip, she says, “It really feels uncomfortable talking about students like this. Let’s change the topic.” If she keeps pushing, you leave saying you want to protect yourself, your work, and your peace. Hopefully others will do the same thing, but even if you don’t, it’s worth protecting your integrity.
It is also worth mentioning that educators are often mandatory reporters, depending on state law. This fact means that students are in some way at risk if there is any indication of sharing “gossip”; If you have not learned about your mandatory reporter duties, ask your HR department or administrator to help you understand your role. This choice may mean sharing information your colleagues have told you, but transparency is a necessary part of student safety.
If you are not allowed to go out these things, you need to say something. If you have a close relationship with this teacher, please share your concerns. I want them to create and manage healthy boundaries with their students. Be aware that someone, including yourself, speaks to HR. You know this situation is not good. Regardless of your friendship, you should follow your instincts to protect your students, yourself, and your friends (even if she is not protecting herself). Even if she agrees to stop, tell the administrator to cover your base and encourage them to do so yourself.
If you are not approaching, you don’t want to have that conversation with her or you are not inking anything else that’s inappropriate, or go directly to the administrator. This situation needs to be discussed. But discussing the appropriateness with her is the job of an administrator as she is in a position to redirect her. Hopefully she will listen.
No matter what, speak up. These conversations may be challenging, but you don’t want to regret not talking about them now.
Good luck, I’m sending you lots of support, courage and care!
Dear we are teachers,
I run a gardening program at a private high school labeled “After School Sports.” One of my students is considered a jock. He played all the sports in the fall and winter, but chose to garden in the spring. He absolutely loves it and is very happy to have it in my class. He said he loves the tranquility of the garden. Today, he told me the coach who was pressured him to leave the gardening to play lacrosse instead. He has no interest and expressed how brutal lacrosse is. Should I stand up to these coaches?
– The joy of gardening
Dear t jog,
I appreciate how much you want to advocate for your students. It’s exciting to hear that this student has found peace and joy in his new activities. No matter what happens in sports or coaching, I hope I will continue to tell this student how much I appreciate him in the yard. That positive feedback allows him to feel supported as he continues to feel welcome and examines activities he may not have previously thought about.
What you do next depends on one important factor. I’m a student. I ask the students if they want him to support him directly. If he says no, respect that trust. Students are already open and are vulnerable to taking on new activities, and while this situation is essential, it is not worth breaking trust. Instead, they can continue to support students from the bystanders. This support ensures you have a safe space in your garden.
If students want you to defend for them, I will improve their voices as much as possible. Students need to lead the conversation with your support. Can they help them plan and plan what they want to say to their coach? Can you help them discuss this with their family? This situation is an essential opportunity for students to learn how to advocate for themselves. Hopefully you will provide moral support and context that will help them express their ideas.
No matter what, we hope that your garden will remain a safe and enjoyable space. Perhaps this is a good opportunity for you to advocate for your garden curriculum on a large scale, ensuring that other members of the school community see how valuable and more supportive gardening is. Thank you for your important work.
Dear we are teachers,
My district provided the “intention to return” form in January, informing the administration of plans for the next grade. I decided not to return to my current school for both family and professional reasons, so I said I was looking for employment in another school/district. My principal emailed me, saying it was important to know that he would start hiring soon. I confirmed that I wouldn’t come back. Now I’m collecting letters of recommendation from other applications. I emailed her about three weeks ago and she never responded. I feel that there is no non-professional response, especially after being so respectful about my intentions next year. Do I need to meet her and be clear? I have to use her as my current supervisor in the application and I am worried that she is going out to sabotage my future opportunities.
– Job hunting
Dear JH,
Good luck in your job hunting. I appreciate your willingness to be transparent. Some may say you shouldn’t let your administration know you’re leaving until you get a new offer, but I find it often difficult because schools and districts want to reach out to your supervisors. It’s better to hear it from you than a reference call.
I will meet your manager in person, but please don’t blame them anything. Instead, check in and ask if they need anything from you to write the letter. It may seem rude to not respond, but that may not have been their intention (I think they get a lot of emails). That doesn’t mean that your feelings aren’t valid – I feel frustrated too – but it’s not worth getting into it as you’ve already left. It sounds generally okay with this admin, so I’ll secure your recommendations and proceed to good terms.
Additionally, you can see if someone else, like a department or grade level chair, can write a letter of recommendation for you. This will ensure that your prospective employer can take a more balanced photo of your job, even if the manager is not of use.
Do you have any burning questions? Please email askweareteachers@weareteachers.com.
Dear we are teachers,
I have been teaching mathematics for the 8th grade. So far, these are the days I did a walkthrough or classroom observation. It’s one of the half days when my students finished my final exams before Halloween (failed on Friday), the Friday before I left for Thanksgiving, and before school, before winter break. Every time I got feedback that the students were rough and that my lessons were not strict enough. Is my manager intentionally trolling? Or should I gently point them out that I continue to be observed on the literal worst days of my school calendar?
– Observation Blues
