Parenting doesn’t end when children are 12 or 13 years old. It’s just evolving.
“You can’t send a 14-year-old to daycare, but a 14-year-old still needs to participate in activities,” said Lisa, a parent of three school-age children who lives in Chicago. Increasingly walkable neighborhoods, small local family networks, and the unrelenting extracurricular demands of college admissions combine to make many American parents into chauffeurs.
“I would say our whole system is pretty broken. But if we’re going to function within it, we really need domestic help.”
Lisa is an artist and industrial designer specializing in jewelry and homewares, and her clients include Tiffany & Co. and Walmart. She couldn’t feel safe without childcare.
her career. Never mind that her income may be considered the family’s second income. She still needs to work.
“My husband… could lose his job. He could get a divorce. You just don’t know,” she said. And once you quit your job, you can’t go back.
“Then people won’t trust you. You have to stay on top of things and stay in the game.”
To help balance childcare and work, the family hired an au pair from France. The au pair simply takes the kids to activities and is there for them whenever Lisa is working on a deadline or meeting remotely with an international client.
“Focused time is what you need to work effectively, but when you have a million distractions and you have to go somewhere and come back, it’s very difficult. And this is a reality for many working families,” Lisa said. “Many women aren’t working because they don’t have a schedule that works for them.”
“I know people who say, ‘I couldn’t manage my work and kids’ schedules.’ They work as personal assistants for their kids, without pay.”
Au pairs typically arrive on a one- or two-year contract. Lisa’s family has hosted three people from Spain and France. Their current pair are on a gap year before starting university. These young women (au pairs are overwhelmingly female) introduce children to new foods, new languages, and new perspectives.
To bring an au pair into their home, Lisa and her husband had to pay the agency $8,000 upfront for medical insurance, travel expenses, and fees. Under agency guidelines, au pairs are allowed to work up to 45 hours a week.
Although it can be quite expensive, Lisa said it’s not as expensive as a typical full-time babysitter or daycare. “If you have the space, an au pair is the cheapest option, especially if you have more than one child,” she says.
Immigrant childcare workers allow mothers like Lisa to continue working. Without affordable child care, many women must choose another path. “I talked to women who had taken time off from work and wanted to go back to work,” Lisa said. “But they can’t do that.”
