I never expected to cry at a business conference. Twice in one session.
So I was at Inman Connect New York, watching Andrew Flachner, the CEO of the company I’ve worked for the past two years, taping a live episode of the Playmakers Podcast with Sahil Bloom, and I was stunned by one statistic. Statistics show that 75 percent of the time we spend with our children is over by the time they are 12 years old.
My eldest son will turn 12 next month. I can’t stop crying.
Mr. Bloom, author of the New York Times bestseller “The Five Types of Wealth,” isn’t here to lecture us on work-life balance. His message was more subtle and more powerful. He was challenging our scoreboard for success.
the conversation that changed his life
Mr. Flakner began by asking Mr. Bloom about the genesis of his book. After years working in private equity, Bloom lived 3,000 miles away from his parents, seeing them perhaps once a year. While drinking with an old friend, he mentioned that it was getting difficult.
His friend asked how old his parents were. “Mid-’60s,” Bloom answered.
“How often do we meet?”
“About once a year.”
His friend stopped. “Okay, then you’ll see your parents 15 more times before they die.”
Within 45 days, Bloom sold her California home, quit her high-paying job and moved across the United States. Their number has grown from 15 to several hundred.
“You have more control over your time than you think,” Bloom told us. “There are two kinds of priorities in life: the priorities we say we have, and the priorities our actions indicate we have.”
I won the battle but lost the war
Flackner, who recently returned as CEO of RealScout while raising two children under the age of 3, asked Bloom why he feels like he’s losing when so many successful people are winning.
Bloom introduced the concept of a “Pyrrhic victory”, referring to an ancient battle in which King Pyrrhus defeated the Roman army but lost all of his generals and most of his army. “It’s the idea that the battle has been won, but the war has been lost,” Bloom explained. “You win in one very specific area while losing in every other area.”
He explained that he was 40 pounds overweight, drank seven nights a week, saw relationships crack, and everyone thought he was crushing it. “If winning felt like that, I must have been playing the wrong game.”
5 richness
In Bloom’s framework, wealth is divided into five categories:
Time Wealth: “You’re always a millionaire,” Bloom said. “A billion seconds is 30 years.” Yet we are free to give time to things that don’t move the needle. Social Wealth: The Harvard Adult Development Study followed 2,000 people for 85 years and found that the single biggest predictor of physical health at age 80 was relationship satisfaction at age 50. Physical well-being: The state of health that increases over time. “Everything above zero is compounded,” Bloom emphasized. Following advice from the popular book Atomic Habits, even just a five-minute walk is much better than doing nothing. Spiritual abundance: clarity, purpose, and peace of mind. It’s the ability to zoom out and ask more holistic questions rather than going into cognitive overload. Financial Wealth: Yes, money is important and creates selectivity. “But there’s more to it than that,” Bloom said. That’s one-fifth of the equation, not all of it.
warren buffett test
When Mr. Flackner asked about the wealth of time, Mr. Bloom posed a thought experiment: “Would you trade your life for Warren Buffett?” He is worth $130 billion and is 95 years old.
“There’s no way I would agree to trade all the time I have left for that money,” Bloom said. “And he’ll do anything to get in your shoes.”
How to know when “enough” is enough
Mr. Flackner asked how he would know if he had enough money. Bloom pointed to a Harvard University study in which researchers asked wealthy people between $1 million and $100 million how much more money they needed to be happy. They all said the same thing. That is, 2 to 3 times your current assets.
Antidote? Be clear about what Bloom calls a “full life.” This is not what society says success is. What would the actual version look like?
The razor of life that will bring you back
One of the most practical tools Bloom shared was the “razor of life.” This is one statement that will help you get back to where you want to be.
The razor of his life? “I’ll coach my son’s sports team.”
Recently, he felt his frustration build when his two-and-a-half-year-old burst into his office and caused a disturbance while he was at work. Then he looked at the photo on the desk. He and his wife had been battling infertility for two years.
“Sometimes in life,” he realized, “the things we pray for become complaints.”
He went on to encourage everyone to remember that the good old days are literally happening right now.
I can’t stop crying. Also.
Dimmer switch concept
Mr. Flachner asked how to manage these different types of wealth without burning out.
“There are seasons in life,” Bloom said. “What you need to do is make sure you don’t turn off any area completely.”
He calls this “dimmer switch thinking.” Keep everything low. Please do something small. “Once you get above zero, everything gets worse. Walking for five minutes is much better than doing nothing.”
1 hour assignment
Bloom’s challenge to everyone at Inman, or anyone who listens to the podcast: Zoom out and give yourself an hour to think next week. I’m going to a coffee shop. Please bring a notebook and pen. There is no technology.
Ask yourself, “If you were the main character in a movie about your life, what would the audience be screaming at you to do right now?”
what has changed for me
You can’t just look at the 75% statistic and leave me alone. By the time my oldest daughter is an adult, I’ve already spent three-quarters of the time with her. But there’s still 25% left. It’s still hundreds, maybe thousands, of days away.
The question is whether I will be present before them or not. Or do you check your phone and reply to one more Slack message?
Bloom’s framework doesn’t require perfection. All we need to do is realize that we have been measuring success in the wrong way. We can build worthwhile businesses and lives.
My good old days are happening now. Even if you feel confused and overwhelmed.
So I accept Bloom’s challenge. I’m going to dedicate that time to myself. And remember that you have at least 25 percent left with your daughter.
It’s not a failure. That’s a chance.
Alice Fudge is RealScout’s Director of Marketing. Connect with her on Instagram and LinkedIn. Complete Playmakers podcast episodes with Sahil Bloom are available on all podcast platforms.
