Stop worrying about how you feel about your performance and start looking at how you’ve proven your expertise in the past, writes Julie Escobar.
There’s a moment that most real estate agents rarely talk about.
It doesn’t show up when you’re new. Expect uncertainty then. It will appear later. When you’re sitting across from a seller of a big-ticket item. When you reserve a listing in a price range that you don’t already own. When you’re in a room full of agents who seem more polished and confident than you feel in the moment.
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And then a quiet voice steps in: What if they realize I’m not as good as they think?
Many people call it impostor syndrome. I think that label does more harm than good. Because the moment you name it that way, you’re already calling yourself a fraud. But that’s not what’s happening. It’s not a scam at all. It’s an expansion.
And for so many agents, especially the women I spoke with, many of whom survive in this industry by serving their families, their communities, and the people who depend on them, that quiet doubt can be especially felt. They created something real. We’ve totally earned a seat at the table. Still, voices emerge.
What I want you to know here is that you are not alone. Not even close.
statistics don’t lie
A review of 30 studies involving more than 11,000 people found that approximately 62 percent of high-performing professionals experience impostor syndrome. And a 2024 Korn Ferry study found that 71 percent of U.S. CEOs report having one. Obviously, this is not a sign of weakness or inexperience.
Research consistently shows that impostor syndrome disproportionately affects high achievers, people who are objectively successful but struggle to internalize their accomplishments and instead believe in luck or external circumstances.
In other words, the more competent you are, the more likely you are to feel that way.
After decades in this business, one pattern is unmistakable. The agents who feel this most are not underqualified. They are stretching. They’re stepping into bigger conversations, higher expectations, and new levels of responsibility that they haven’t fully mastered yet.
Of course, it’s unpleasant. But that discomfort is not a warning signal. Nor is it a stop sign. It’s a signal of growth.
Confidence comes from behind, not before.
Many of us, somewhere along the way, absorbed the idea that confidence should come first. That you need to feel ready before you step up.
That’s not the case.
Research on self-efficacy, the belief in one’s ability to perform, makes this clear. According to psychologist Albert Bandura, acquired experience is the most powerful source of confidence. Contemplating taking action does not build belief. You build it by actually jumping in and taking action. Confidence is a result of performance, not a prerequisite for performance.
If you wait until you feel ready, you’re waiting too long. you hesitate. You step back. Default to what you are familiar with. Good agents stall like this. It’s not a lack of skill, but a misreading of the moment.
the mental changes you need
Here we will introduce a simple shift. Instead of “not ready,” think “being on time.” Because you are.
The transaction has ended. You’ve navigated emotional customers, tough negotiations, and unpredictable deals. Problems not mentioned in the manual were also resolved. You have achieved more status than you give yourself credit for.
Yet, at the most critical moment, something changes. You soften your language. Hedging recommendations. Seek validation instead of leading. It’s not that I don’t know what I’m doing. It’s your inner voice asking for permission you don’t really need.
While people with impostor syndrome cannot accept recognition for their successes, they tend to aggressively pursue accomplishments, leading to increased stress, burnout, and poor performance over time. This cycle is worth breaking. And you can break it now, before your next appointment.
Here’s the reframing that changes everything.
Stop asking, “Am I confident enough?” Start asking yourself, “Have I earned the right to be here?”
One is emotional. The other thing is a fact. If you answer the second question honestly, the answer is almost always yes. It’s just that I don’t feel like it at that moment.
So what do you do when that feeling appears? Don’t wait until it disappears. You move with it too.
Enter the appointed place. Please say what you need to say. Lead as if you’re already a professional, even if your internal dialogue hasn’t caught up yet. Clients can feel the difference.
They may not be able to articulate it, but they sense when someone wants them to be enough and when someone decides they are enough. It shows in how you hold the room, how you present your proposals, and how you respond to backlash.
Growth and discomfort coexist
Every time you act despite your doubts, a little bit of your power is taken away from you. Each successful experience permanently raises your confidence level. What once felt impossible becomes the new norm. Because I stopped letting fear dictate my decisions.
The women I most admire in this industry are the ones who have built careers who lead with kindness, respect their families, and serve their customers and communities with an authentic heart, and they don’t wait until they feel fearless. They moved on anyway. With grace. With gravel. With the quiet understanding that growth and discomfort always go together.
Now, the next time that voice appears – in front of an important appointment, a new price point, a room full of people who seem more decent than you feel – don’t treat it as evidence that you don’t belong.
Take it as proof that you are growing.
That feeling isn’t proof that you’re a fraud. It’s proof that you’re where you’re supposed to be.
Julie Escobar is the president of the Darryl Davis Seminars. Connect with her on Instagram and LinkedIn.
