Dear we are teachers,
I’ve read your column for a while, but I’ve always wondered if I’d write a question for my advice column. Well, I’m doing it now! My student teacher confessed early in the semester that one of our math teachers thought was cute, but I thought it was just a guilty crash. I tried to tell her he was married, but she assured me that she was just observing. Well, last Friday she told me they’ve been with me for months now. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to say. What exactly do I do with this information?
– Accepting tea
Dear rtt,
*Fau* This is amazing one of the questions!
First, I’ll talk at a professional level. I will not do anything unless someone is unsafe or breaks the contract. In that case, I will report it to the administrator immediately and encourage student teachers to do the same.
If everyone is generally safe and within the scope of the contract, I’ll leave. This situation shows a lack of judgment from multiple people, but you are not one of them. You disappointed your student teacher and told him he was married. You have fulfilled your duty. This situation blurs the personal and professional lines in ways that may not end well. Keep your distance from the mess.
He also tells his student teacher that he is wa-san about the love life of other teachers, especially when she is involved. While an adult who can do what she likes, you draw the boundaries of not wanting to hear about this situation. This boundary is protecting yourself and protecting your colleagues. Depending on the relationship she has with the student teacher, it may be a good thing to remind her that the choices she makes and the information she shares shape her reputation at her workplace.
Of course, this advice applies to mathematics teachers as well, but whether or not you share it with him depends on your relationship. If he is a friend, if you find out that your friend is cheating, I will approach this situation as you may have. How you respond is based primarily on your own moral norms and is outside the scope of my teacher (ethicists at the New York Times talk about this several times if you want some guidance).
Either way, I understand your shock. This situation is shocking, but it is not your job to guide student teachers’ moral and romantic choices. The best thing you can do is provide some guidance and you protect your peace. Tea may be tasty, but it can also burn. Sometimes it’s best to leave it and leave.
Good luck! I believe in you (and I don’t mind updating!).
Dear we are teachers,
I am on the final stretch of my time as a teacher in the workplace that has brought both valuable experiences and difficult challenges. I have worked hard to remain professional and student-centric, but I have had to navigate some toxic dynamics, including lack of support, shifts in expectations, and unsupportive colleagues. I’m torn because I’ve left. There is a part of me who wants to be honest with leadership on these issues. At the same time, I still need recommendations from this place and I know that speaking can backfire professionally. Should I say something or should I try to protect my reputation after I’m gone?
– Speak up or stay quiet
Dear Scos,
Congratulations on putting together this chapter in your career. We hope your future holds joyful!
This situation is tough. If the information you are sitting on is not miserable, then students are safe and mostly handled – I’m waiting, as they are not actively hurt. Waiting will ensure recommendations and stability as you move forward. It seems that things have not changed when they appeared. Therefore, sharing your thoughts is not particularly time sensitive.
Whether or not you speak up with new positions lined up or know what to do next depends heavily on the compass. On the other hand, sharing your views gives your administration some valuable perspective. You may also feel cathartic. However, it can also enhance negative or conflicted feelings that need to be managed. On the other hand, you can spend time quietly, which will make it easier to get an easier exit. But it may make you feel irritated or regretted.
Sometimes drawing out the results helps me make choices. Take a picture of a quiet moment and imagine yourself leaving school on your last day. What needs to happen to feel satisfied with wrapping your chapter there? Does it help you feel in your gut, as your departure is generally fulfilling?
If you decide to say something, approach it with a thoughtful and spirit of improvement. I’m not trying to burn the bridge on my way out. You want this community to have been a part of you. This guide on providing feedback also works for administrators for teachers.
Good luck, I believe in you!
Dear we are teachers,
Parents gave my fifth grade students my phone number. I blocked them, but the students texted me many times. How should I deal with this?
-Maybe don’t call me
Dear dcmm,
It makes me feel bad when I feel that privacy or boundaries are being violated. Sorry, this happened.
I think you are happy with your parents who have your personal phone number. As for its value, the schools and teachers I worked with do not recommend it as it can cause uncomfortable situations (like in this case). That said, I also know that you may have a personal friendship with your parents, or this is more common in certain communities.
I want to know for readers that if you don’t want your parents or family to have your phone number, you don’t need to share it (here is a way to call without revealing your personal number).
Now, regarding your situation, I will immediately tell you your administration. Since this is a text message for children rather than adults, you want to save your concerns about the nature of text messages to yourself. Children don’t always handle the conversation the way we expect them to. So you’ll be transparent with administrators. Parents give students numbers, students are texting and not responding to requests that are stopped or blocked. Your administration needs to advise you on the next steps that involve conversations between parents and students.
I’m not saying I’m going to manage because I think students should be in trouble. They are children who reach out (welcome or not). But they also need to learn healthy boundaries to keep them safe. Your administration can support that argument and act as a witness to move forward in case students and parents respond well. Either way, you want to be transparent as soon as possible. Good luck, I believe in you!
Do you have any burning questions? Please email askweareteachers@weareteachers.com.
Dear we are teachers,
I am part of a new teacher cohort that started together at my school this year, all teaching grade 9. One of the teachers in my cohort is oddly friendly with the students. She has organized several group dinners and group hangouts with students, all in public places and restaurants. Plus, when our cohorts come together, she teaches us all sorts of gossip that our students say to her. It all makes me feel uncomfortable, but I can’t tell if this is normal or not. What do you think?
– Act your age
